How can we truly achieve equality and get past gender to find humanity? This is what has been going through my mind lately. The discourse of feminism has been going on for well over two hundred years, yet the same things are being discussed over and over . The right to be an individual person away from being defined as a man, the right to not be objectified, the right to rise above circumstance and to get equal jobs and pay.
Yet the reason why the arguments become divisive and cyclical is that we cease to see that it goes beyond male and female and transcends it. The society as a whole are create false dichotomies and paradigms at a very young age. We are surrounded by media who are constantly barraging us with female objectification, of male stereotype of fragmented concepts of masculinity. We give value to men sexualizing women, and condemn girls who are sexualized. We create a whole society that is based purely on how we look and not what we are and our core values that intertwine this reality.
As a society entrenched in a depersonalized world where porn has created a desensitized concept of what women are like , where young children are exposed to an identity that is limited in it’s understanding of who they are based on what they are wearing and what they look like the outcome will continue to not go anywhere. In order for us to fully advance, we need to all be involved in create significant powerful change by acknowledging what unites us as human beings.
Yet… It’s hard not to generalize, to stereotype men especially when you go through things everyday that makes you feel demoralized and objectified.
It’s hard not to be angry. It’s hard to walk in the street and not feel exposed because some jerk decides to follow you or starts to message you online. It’s hard when someone says it’s your fault somehow because of what you wear instead of empathizing with other’s plight. Yet I want to understand these men’s behavior. What causes them to impose their own desires over girls? They know most likely it will not have a successful outcome so why do they do it? What happens to the young boys playing basketball in the park and what causes them to change to men who can treat other human beings in such a way?
Believe it or not, it makes me sad for them. I’m sad because they don’t take the time to see and meet people, awesome amazingly flawed people and all they see is a collection of body parts and that’s sad because they are deprived of learning from those people , rising above those experiences. Because they are so caught up on what society or their friends will think of them, because they feel that to make themselves feel better they have to bring others down they are depriving themselves of really knowing the value of someone.
I have met people time and time again whom to other girls they catcall, size them up, number them and talk in lurid detail about the things they will do TO them because they feel that she’s just an object , she has no feelings. Yet with me because somehow I am their ” sister” they feel protective towards me, they see me as a human being. The thing is, these men who bother women in bars, who follow them in the street , who mistake a smile for an invitation… they don’t really want to get to know those girls. They rather they remain anonymous and in the shadows. Better they be a receptacle for their misplaced desires than really look deep down at the bereft parts of their own life.
I am also saddened by women who think their sole value is based on how they look or what society perceives them to be. Whom spend their whole time preening in the mirror and not enough time preening their souls. I can’t blame them, because i find that I too am victim of this from time to time.
It’s hard not to feel helpless when your sole value continues to be who you are with and not who you are. It’s hard not to feel saddened when women are still not taken seriously and are called ” Bitch” and ” Hysterical” … where the word ” female” is still a negative connotation.
So why haven’t we come closer to true equality? Why is the bird not flying? It comes down to the fact that we forget that the soul has no gender, and we also do not realize how much cultural relativism comes into play in terms of gender. There are so many paradigms that we choose not to see in terms of men and women , instead we oversimplify the argument by saying that it is merely men assaulting women.
What we need to find is our common core , that humanity within us that doesn’t define gender . That we go outside our comfort zones and cease to define the world in us vs. them. That we want to change and try to lead a life where a person is a person no matter the setting. That women are not drowning in anger and find that there is goodness in everyone and try to overcome this anger and empowering the next generation to become better than the one we are in. To see a woman and not see what she looks like but the greatness of her heart. To see a man and not see who he is based on wealth, or height or career but the goodness of his heart. To see people, and not not gender.
Wingeyes Between Worlds 