I know you haven’t heard from me in awhile. I see that your kid is growing up, yeah I heard about x’s engagement I know I haven’t responded to your FB message, or your texts..But see, I was kind of dreading this question :
“So how are you doing Maryam… what is up with you?”
( Well… lets see… What is going on with me
You mean other than gaining weight to the point that my big butt is stuck to the chair at the moment…
How about going on horrible mortifying dates where I get stood up or some guy talks about how they want a ” massage under their pants”, or the countless times I’ve been stood up, or the fact that all I get is comments on guys saying how ” horny ” they are.
you mean do you want to really hear about the sheer amount of trolls that I get on a daily basis because of my 55k following on livestream?
Or wait… do you want to hear about the dead end call center job I took recently , or how it is dealing with people around you who have addiction or dementia…
Or maybe I can talk to you about how little I feel I am doing about social justice and all the issues in this country.
You don’t want to hear all of that. You wan’t to hear me say I have good news. Because we measure people’s lives by events. And those milestones are what makes us worthy in their eyes . If your life isn’t going according to plan it’s not worthy of a conversation, it makes you uncomfortable. You want pretty pictures and clean answers. But sometimes the journey is messy, and while you can only try to lead the best life you can give.
Here’s what I’ve realized. life isn’t a series of milestones. We have to be grateful of what our life is, and try to make it better. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s frustrating talking to you. You had one relationship, you met him when you were in college and he was the sweetest most attentive guy ever. You moved to the state he lived in and he provided everything you could possibly need. You had beautiful children. When you wanted to go back to work, you made a living in a career that never would be a problem finding work. You go to exotic locations and never have to worry about money. You have perfect skin, amazing metabolism and a drive to do anything you want. You are, to be honest a little intimidating. You tell me stuff like ” Oh if you only stop looking you will find The One,” as if he’s just in an aisle in the supermarket. You talk about money because you have no idea what it is like to not have funds. You live in a giant house. You never thought of what it’s like to have a different skin tone because you were surrounded by people like yourself so the concept of someone being discriminated by their skin is completely foreign. You’ve always had a good home so you don’t know what it’s like to have a horrible father and a. broken home. You’ve never faced addiction, or having someone try to assault you. You don’t know what it’s like to have no water, no electricity or what it’s like in anywhere but the small town you live in. I never felt that you could be a support to me.
So why were we friends? I guess I forgot. I forgot those nights when you let me cry in your shoulder. I forgot that you aren’t as perfect as you make others believe. I discovered that your perfect husband was beating you and one of your kids was battling severe mental health problems. It turns out you were facing bankruptcy because of how much you guys used credit cards to withdraw money. I didn’t realize that you didn’t really have any friends. Many nights you were crying yourself to sleep because you felt alone and isolated . I didn’t know that you spent most of your time volunteering for an inner city school.
I didn’t know how much it took for you to write me a letter to say hello, or how much it hurt you that I didn’t respond to your calls. I didn’t know that I was your only friend. I didn’t know that it wasn’t about what you could give me but how much my friendship meant to you.
I didn’t know till I received this letter and you were gone.
Edit : This is a fictional account
Wingeyes Between Worlds 