Ever since I was quite young, I was constantly stalked by pervs or creeps. I didn’t know if this was common or not… I always had a big chest and was naively trusting, so i guess men thought I was sending the wrong signals. It is a common occurrence especially in places where I would look different to be stalked by someone if I walk in darkness. I have had been poked, prodded, leered at , talked down to, objectified and generally sexualized to a point where sometimes It was really hard to believe that there were actually good men out there.
In some ways, i gained weight to try to ward them off, but it didn’t do much good. I felt guilty, slouched in corners , covered myself as much as I could and kept my eyes down and my head down. I grew ashamed of being big busted, i didn’t smile at strangers or engage in any conversation.
Now, as I get older I am intrigued. Why do men feel the need to do this? Do they not realize the long term effect they might have on women all over the world? Do they not know how little they will be taken seriously? A couple of days ago, I joined tinder and quickly realized that it’s mostly a hookup site. Clearly, if you have been reading my blog you know that I am far from that as you could possibly be. But the writer in me was curious. What made these men act this way? What made women self objectify themselves ? Why would total strangers engage in weird foreplay to people they don’t even know?
So for once, I tried talking to them. Out of the 200 matches I got in a day, I tried to reason with them. Some got good responses, others simply went on to the next person. Below are some of the exchanges
Person x : $$$ %*%% %*(FG
Me: Oh you really make me feel special. I really want to do that when you talk to me like that.
Person x : So when do we do this?
Me : Do you even care to know me as a person?
Person x : Not really. I’m just horny. Any girl would do.
Me : So basically, I could have no teeth, smell bad and have serious mental issues and you would engage in momentary pleasure with me. Or I could be a really great girl, smart intelligent funny and seriously you could be really happy just by knowing them but you just shut thad door by treating me like a two dollar whore.
Person x : ok then… I guess it’s not gonna happen.
Person b : $*$(##$
Me : Would you allow someone to talk to your sister that way? Would you want someone you love and respect be objectified and villified?
Person c : $()#$
Me : Im not an object with holes in them. I’m a person. Do you realize this? Do you realize that you could at any point meet me in real life and I could be your employer, your sister’s best friend or someone else?
Person d : I will send a naked pic of myself.
Me : Why would I want that? Do you realize that once you send something you can’t take it back? It’s there forever.
Person d : You are thinking too much,
Me : no, you aren’t thinking AT ALL. That’s the problem with technology, it’s fast and we don’t think of the consequences.
Some guys apologized…sorta. Some didn’t get it. Some didn’t care. But somehow , it felt better to do this. Because i think of those stupid 11 year old girls who send naked pictures, or even younger. I think of thinking that all you are is a series and collection of body parts. I fear for them. I want them to know that they are so much more than that. That their self esteem is not by cup size or lips or smile but by the beauty of their spirit.
On a sidenote, it did help me to hold my head high and to believe in myself a bit more.