Been a long time….

 

It’s been a long time… and I take complete responsibility for this.  A lot has been going on in my life, but for the longest time I was paralyzed to find the best course of action.  I didn’t know where to start, there was so many things that I became dissatisfied with finding the right approach to move forward.

In a way, I needed that literary bubble to organize my thoughts and take a breather to move forward. I was always working and volunteering but it felt like my life seemed drab and mundane and I lacked any kind of way to wade through the waters of mundanity. Where was I going? Where should I end up? How could I get a better job? How could I find a better life for myself ?

So I did something that made me afraid and uncomfortable, because sometimes we have to face our fears and slay those demons that at times cause us despair.  Coming back to Boston, the place where I feared most for many reasons was a challenge. The city itself is beautiful, but going to live with my grandparents was like living in a pretty gilded cage.  My family’s demons pour forth in the darkness, and I feared I would be dragged down in the process. 

When I came here in September, the leaves had begun to change and so had my life’s perspective. Where was this going? I didn’t know but I had to carve my life out despite any lingering negativity around me. I tried to see the opportunities available to me, and to my surprise there were far more than I had expected. The life paved way to new ideas and emotions despite everything. I decided to go meet up strangers and go to cultural gatherings if I had no friends in the area. I even tried my hand at online dating, wiith some dubious results.  I went to book festivals, and talked to authors.

Here’s the truth of the matter : Despite all my worldly travels, despite meeting everyone from Romanian gypsies to Ecuadorian quechua girls… despite it all I still was in a comfortable zone. I wasn’t going out of my way to find new experiences I wasn’t really willing to get out of my funk and risk anything. So now I am risking things, and the worse that can happen is I learn something new. And that’s far less scarier than I thought. Sometimes the demons in the closet when you pull them in the light they are only in your head.

So go forth fellow warriors and do something that makes you uncomfortable

 

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