The other day, at the seminar, there were three things which really bowled over my predisposed assumptions. The first one was the trouble I was having with anything to do with science. I tune out when it comes to politics, science and other topics. Someone else commented on it, and it got me wondering : What was it about science, math and other elements that I tune them out? Were they social constructs?
It got me thinking of my teachers of yore. I had really bad math teachers throughout school which told me in no uncertain terms that I was bad at math. Why was I bad at math? I failed one test. I remember it well. That was it. I was bad at math. I did well in geometry, mainly because as a visual learner I found it interesting but I found all the theories and algorithims just too hard to comprehend. And I had teachers which said things like ” if you are pretty you don’t have to worry about those things” ( success and math)…
Science wasn’t much better, although I excelled at the social sciences. Anything technical, and I wasn’t good at. True, I wasn’t interested but now I am thinking why I am blocked in that sense. Something happened that made me just give up on the topics. It was like a door went off in my head and that was it. The door was bolted, and I was engaging in another fragmentation in my mind.
Then there was a part which we studied which blew my mind. They said math was beautiful. What??? How is math beautiful???
But I realized that Math IS beautiful. And in a way, with painting , I utilize math. I also utilized it when I calculated grade averages, looked up my finances and did everyday things. IN other words, I used math when I didn’t realize I was using it.
So are these assumptions based on social constructs of gender or the preferences we develop? Probably a little of both, but what added to my consternation was this concept : The soul and the brain has no gender. We create this division…
This is hard for me, because most of the men who have existed in my life have not been a positive influence. They lied, cheated, and were notably emotionally absent. So I had, in my mind, a very limited positive view on men. I just saw them definitely as an Other. Someone You Can’t Trust. Now, I am looking at it this way : We are all victims of the stereotypes society pushed on us. Society did not want men to be emotional, nurturing ,intuitive and available. Women were not supposed to be strong, cold or distant and rational. There you go, the age old question… but is it really that simple?