To My Fourteen Year Old Self

Dear Fourteen Year Old Self,

Hi, it’s me… or it’s you. Whatever you call it. I am sorry I am writing to you when I am now pretty old in your standards and by your counts I am probably not what you expected me ( or you) to be. I will spare you the details in case it gives you nightmares.
So I remember what you are going through right now. Yeah, getting thrown in the pool every semester sucks, and then moving to a new school to get past the bullying only to get spit sandwiches and people ignoring you despite your best attempts at fitting in. Despite you highlighting your hair and trying to become what everyone expected you to be.
And sometimes you are walking alone , just by yourself feeling misunderstood. I can’t say that will entirely change.BUt you will have friends I promise . You will find that you will have travelled all over, and had so many adventures you lost count. And you did a lot by yourself in ways you never thought possible.
I wanted to tell you, it isn’t your fault. There is always going to be people who won’t accept you, and they probably never will. I wanted to tell you that being different is not a bad thing. That thinking out of the box makes you who you are, and writing all that poetry is beautiful ( but please, stop being so gothic!! Lighten up!)
A lot of people should have protected you and didn’t. The principal should have stopped the bullying. The teachers should have stopped putting you in front of the class to talk about what’s wrong with you. Because nothing is wrong with you! You are a normal, funny and interesting human being! Stop being what others want you to be and be yourself! I hope you would learn this, because I am only starting to learn this myself.
As far as that dumb boy you are drooling about, please stop drooling. No, he won’t come around and notice how fabulous you are so quit wasting your time. There is so much to live for, and this isn’t by far the most important. Besides, when your my age, you won’t remember who he was.
I would want to say, you will fit in eventually but I don’t know if you will because I haven’t yet. Being a multicultural person, you will always be five places at once but never one thing entirely. But that’s ok, it makes you you.
And don’t stop caring. Care as much as you can and serve others because that’s what matters. That crosses all barriers.
Here comes the hardest part. And I don’t think I can express it entirely. So listen to this song ( Yes we have videos on the internet… the internet is this thing that…oh nevermind)


And I know it’s unfair that you had someone like that who hurt you so much. But I promise you, you will be stronger, you will rise above and eventually you will feel only pity. I know that’s hard to think of this right now, but it will.
And if no one understands you , remember I do!
And please be nice to your mom and brother, you have one of each.
Also, lay off the chocolate… you will regret it later.
Well, I love you more than you can possibly know sweet angel,

Maryam

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One thought on “To My Fourteen Year Old Self

  1. Maryam, this was amazingly beautiful and I absolutely love your work!! You can check out my blog too, if you’d like. Carol Campbell

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