Growing apart

For some reason, we grow apart from certain people. That ember of love, interest or whatever it may be just dies. Or at least flickers off for awhile. What once was flowing conversations become a series of awkward silences.
Sometimes people hurt us in ways that are so poignant that we can never look at them the same way. As Pearl Jam says in the song ” Some words when spoken can’t be taken back…” . At least for me, who never speaks of anger or pain, I just simply shut down. And then, there are bridges which are mended, relationships which are so deep that cannot be marred by time or pain. Those that given a chance will be reborn if you let them.

Then there are the relationships which were never yours in the first place. Where you gave everything you had, only to find that you were talking to a wall. Those that never saw you for who you are , those that only were there out of interest, those that never really tapped into the potential that you were offering, those that simply cast you off in the Not So Important Things . So where does all that love go if it is not received to the sender? Does it go into the universe and bounced back? I do not regret loving those who never saw me, because my love was pure and contained boundless galaxies . It was beautiful like an unprocessed film. Sure, sometimes one can fantasize one day that you live in a cheap Hollywood film and that they will, someday, truly come to appreciate you. They will regret having blown you off/not appreciated you/ insulted you , they will beg for your time and see you as an amazing person.
But you know what? It won’t matter if it does happen. Because by the time it does, it won’t be important anymore.
Life happens, and we aren’t the center of the universe. We can spend an insane amount of time dwelling on those who harmed us or spend that time living life. You can make that choice. Sure, there are crappy things that happen to everyone, and yes it hurts so deeply that it’s hard to breathe. But you move on. There are millions of people you can meet everyday.
I find it’s better to love, and forgive and to trust than living my life in anger and hate. At least I try to battle that everyday.

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