Why Don’t You Try to Be Less Distracted?

I hear this everyday, all day. ” Maryam , if only you TRIED a little more , you would do it. It’s EASY” Usually I smile politely. I know people are trying to help but the truth is, it’s like asking someone who needs glasses ” Hey have you tried not wearing them… you can see it’s easy.”
And usually, because it’s my private shame, I don’t really talk about it. I don’t tell people ” I have ADD ” because some people say ” oh that’s something that the masses have imposed on us but it’s just an excuse”… OR ” oh” Smile. Awkward silence, and lookslike something is wrong with me.
Yes, there are a lot of misdiagnosed cases, but I know I am not one of them. Attention Deficit Disorder means that you tend to forget things, or not have things in the right order …even your thoughts. You can also be impulsive and say the first stupid thing that comes out of your mouth.
But here’s the thing : What happens when you are intelligent, capable person and thus, people expect more from you? What happens when people get frustrated when they think I am not trying enough.
I have learned to laugh about it, and above all I have angels who help me along the way. Complete strangers who let me know when I leave money somewhere, when I am lost they give me a ride… I have a thousand ideas in my head, and a lot of projects but it’s hard for me to make those come into fruition.
I find that in England or the United States it’s not that big a deal. But in other places where there is more of a homogenized ideal of what you should be like, it makes it hard. It’s hard for someone who is in a relationship with me because they just can’t comprehend why I do the things that I do.
It’s hard because it causes misunderstandings. Some people think they know me, or judge me by my impulsiveness and distractedness and find it hard to look past the person that I really am. One of my best friends told me the other day that I am a pretty complex person and not really one things summarizes me … I kind of relate to shrek, as he is layers and layers of different things but people couldn’t look past the fact that he was an ogre.
At any rate, it also gives for funny stories. It shows wonderful adventures and interesting things happen. But at the moment, on the cusp of trying to find a place to live – and only have three days to do it- this makes it hard.
I might say stupid things sometimes, but I have an enormous heart and lack the capability of saying anything mean to anyone on purpose. I might be distracted but I am highly intelligent and can be quite intuitive if I focus on something. I am also a good listener, and among a lot of other things very artistic. I say these things because sometimes all people can see is these external blocks which are veils to who I really am.
I never tell anyone about this, for fear that they won’t accept me. I would rather they think me a little ditzy and strange,
I know that with practice and time it can get much better, but it’s a long road ahead… and I think it’s also beautiful to have add. If not, I would not learn the value of detachment ( when I lose something) or the value of appreciating the unexpected ( when I get lost) or the true meaning of persvering and attaining what you want… and above all the life lessons i have learned.

One thought on “Why Don’t You Try to Be Less Distracted?

  1. it’s hard to be misunderstood – when people interpret a physical limitation as willfulness. it reminds me of my own struggles with depression – it’s not something i can just snap out of, it’s part of how my brain works. there are things i can do to limit its affect on my life, but it’s a genetic weakness that will always be there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s